PawFlesh
by Ziven
Summary: Wonder what it would be like to hear the views of Remus and the wolf inside?


Hello and stuff. I wanted to redo this story, because I saw all of the formatting errors while I was passing through. I'm glad I did, because I think that this is better...

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**The Change**

_The Change is relished._

_It is scarred, chiseled into the mind _

_When you remember, _

_you can feel the change,_

_taste the change, _

_smell the change _

_--And yet you cannot. _

_It's like a word on the tip of your tongue, The Change _

_It is so near, and then again so far _

_The Change is here, and then it's gone _

_The Change is two; _

The synonym and the antonym The same and the opposite

_The Change makes one mind two _

_The Change is different. _

_The Change is vivid. _

_The Change is feared. _

_The change is relished._

_Darkdragonwriter_

**PawFlesh**

Part One: The Marauders Era

I am glad to have Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs as my friends. They really understand me.

The full moon is tonight. I always worry that I cannot make it, but with the rest of the Marauders behind me, I'm sure I'll get through it. I sincerely hope I-well, maybe more the wolf inside-doesn't hurt them much, because I know I won't remember much in the morning. I never do.

Now that I sincerely think about it, my friends don't understand me at all when it comes to some things. They all became illegal amangi for me, and for that I'm grateful. But they will never know what it's like to be a werewolf. To have a monster deep inside you. It only comes out once a month, but so many lives are at stake during that one night. Do they know what it feels like to wake up in the morning, not knowing or able to remember or tell whether you've killed someone or not? I could swallow little Wormtail in one gulp, and yet he still insists on being present during my transformations. Do they know what it's like to have to look at your friends and see wounds and scratches that you know you gave them? I honestly don't think that they understand those feelings.

And our world. Our wizarding world makes world makes it that much worse. Whenever people find out that I'm a werewolf, they back away, muttering about servants of hell and the Dark Lord. That is how they see us; and coincidentally, how muggles see them. Wizards claimed to be different. They claimed to not be as ignorant as muggles, not to be scared of what was different. And yet they are. They call us evil, disgusting creatures of the dark, and muggles call them the same. I'd call them hypocrites, but who hasn't said one hypocritical thing in their lives?

I have done nothing to upset this wizarding world of ours, and yet they condemn me for something I could not control. They condemn all wolves for what they could not control. How were we to know that we would be born from werewolf parents, or that we'd be bitten in life? I have written to the Ministry on this matter several times, and I have yet to receive a response. Bastards, Prongs calls them.

They used to treat house-elves the same way, and still, most of them have it worse than us. At least we have a limited freedom. They are chained to their masters. I feel sorry for them sometimes when I forget about my predicament. But enough of house-elves, at least people feel sorry enough for them to care and try to help. A wolf rarely has friends. I am lucky enough to be an exception.

But having friends will not diminish me growing fear of killing someone while in wolf form. Have I killed someone before? I do not know, but I will do my best to control my wolf side. It's not the comrades I have at Hogwarts that I'm afraid of hurting. It's the innocent bystanders I worry about when I am released in the summer. Usually, I tag along with Sirius, for he is the strongest of us in animal form besides me, and can keep me in check when the full moon comes. I have found that being near water seems to calm the wolf inside, so Sirius and I head to the beaches in the summer months. I was worried about taking Sirius from his family at first, but he told me that he never went home in the summer anyway. I never really pushed the matter, although he also said, like always, that I need to stop being so concerned and lose my conscience.

And that's a whole different matter in itself. Me, having a conscience. I, who share a body with a monster, a predator who would kill for no reason. Ha. Conscience indeed.

(scene shift)

I am The Hunter. I am the most wild and beautiful creature most people will have the fortune to see. And yet I am contained. I cannot run free among my brother wolves. I cannot have the joy of providing for a mate or cubs of my own. I am not free, like a great hunter of the forest should be. I am enslaved, with no family, no pack, no traditional way of life.

I am let out about once a month, I suspect. I notice there is always a full moon shining when I am awakened from my subconscious slumber. Whenever I awake, there are usually three animals around me, blocking my way to the outside. An outside I have only been allowed to see a few times each year. An outside I hunger for, an outside I feel I will die without. These animals who block my way, a large dog, a stag and a rat-they would make a good supply of food, and yet for some reason unknown to me I cannot kill them.

For some reason I spare them. Perhaps it is the human inside. Perhaps he cares for these beings. But they are an obstacle in my path that I cannot move.

Once, when I was a pup, I escaped. I ran free during the midnight and dawn hours. I felt the wind in my fur as I ran. But I ran in fear; there were humans chasing me. I had done nothing to them, and they were after me. I ran into a nearby forest, and begged them to adopt me, to save me from the humans. They prodded and sniffed, the usual check for disease, and they backed away. They did not want me. I was rejected for the first time in my life. That's how I came to know my species. The Alpha male called me a werewolf. I was young, and I did not fully understand. But now I know. Now I know why I used to wake up in different places. I am only myself 3 percent of the time. How do I know this? I suspect that my human side has found this information, and so I know as well.

My human side intrigues me so. His friends, the animals, call me Remus, and so I suspect that is his name. He seems to be the intellectual type, due to some of the traits that have befallen me during our transformations. I wonder sometimes, whether he would run away form me, were we not the same being. Would he run and chase me away like all those other humans? Would he call me a monster? Sometimes I feel he would, and sometimes that he would not. He befriends animals, and yet commands them to keep me, keep us from freedom. If he restricts me so, would it not mean that he restricts his human half as well? For what reason does he keep himself from happiness? For what is he willing to sacrifice his own freedom? I do not understand humans in the slightest, though I share that body of one. But, perhaps, he does not understand me as well? Perhaps he wonders why I strive so hard to be released into a world that does not accept me? I do not know the answer to that question either. I just want my freedom. Our freedom, for I fear that my existence shackles him. In the early dawn after the full moon, I hear his animal friends converse. They wonder why I attack them, if there is some 'Remus' in me. How I long to answer, so perhaps they can relay my intensions to my human side. But I am usually too weary, for I lose my strength as the morning comes, since that is when I transform. I know they think that I am here to destroy the body with which I share.

But I am not. Actually, I would love to meet this Remus person. He must be good if I was made from him. I hate to attack his friends who so obviously care for him. I hate to attack anyone who isn't a rabbit, lemming, or maybe even a bird. But they hinder my path to freedom, and I cannot allow that. I cannot allow any obstacles to my goal, and so I will continue to fight them, even if it is a losing battle. I will die fighting for my freedom if need be.

I wish my other half would understand. I wish he knew that I am The Hunter, and nothing else. I am not a monster, I am not evil. I am the Hunter, and nothing else.

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So that's it. I don't like this story as much as I would have liked...however, its not my opinion, its yours...

"I will return, for I am the darkness..."


End file.
